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Mom Confessions

I’ve debated for the last week or so whether or not to post these “confessions” of mine,ย  but have finally decided I must not be alone in these feelings so why not. At least, I hope I’m not alone…

One night last week, while reading bedtime stories, I thought to myself “I really don’t want to read these books. I really wish I could just sit on this couch in silence, alone”. Now before people jump all over me for being ungrateful for the children I have (and yes, I’ve had comments like that before when I’ve vented about how tired I am), read on and keep a little perspective.

Moms are allowed to be tired. They’re allowed to crave time alone, whether that time is 20 minutes, 2 hours, 2 days or 2 weeks. We work hard and rarely get a day off. Even people who love their jobs get paid time off, but moms don’t. Whether you’re a stay at home mom or a work out of the home mom, you work hard… continually!

Sure, you could take the night off from cleaning up your house after you put the kids to bed, but then you’ll just be greeted by the mess bright and early the next morning.

Yeah, you could just give in to your whiny toddler for a day because you just don’t have the energy to deal with him/her/them, but you’ll pay dearly for that over the next week.

Being a mom is lonely work. I’m sometimes jealous of my working mom friends, simply because they get to interact with other adults 5 days a week. (I know, grass is always greener on the other side, right?) Yesterday our mom’s group got together for a big “playdate” type thing at a local firehouse. While it was fun to see the other kids and wave to the other moms, there really are very few opportunities for actually talking to each other. Know why? Because you’re constantly chasing after your kids, or looking around the room for them! Do you know how hard it is to have a semi-meaningful conversation, much less one that lasts longer than 60 seconds at a playdate with early childhood aged kids? It’s brutal!

Here’s another fun confession for you…. I find myself thinking a lot about how much longer it’ll be before I can go back on Weight Watchers, go back to the gym and lose this pregnancy weight, plus the 9 pounds I still had hanging around from my pregnancy with the boys. I’m excited about the arrival of my baby girl, but I’m also excited about losing this weight and shopping for new clothes. For some reason I feel like it’s wrong for me to be thinking like that at only the beginning of the 3rd trimester (starts tomorrow!).

I’m just tired. I think that’s what this boils down to. Tired; both physically and emotionally.

I look at my boys though and I’m grateful. I’m grateful I get to be their mom. I’m grateful that they’re healthy children who love life (except for when life isn’t going their way) and make us laugh on a daily basis. I’m grateful they’re so excited about the arrival of their baby sister (yesterday Jackson said he wanted to hold her, take her to the zoo to show her animals and take her to the ice cream shop). I’m grateful to feel the little kicks and punches of my baby girl. I’m grateful we have a warm house, food to eat and working cars to drive.

Because I’m grateful and I love my boys, I finished reading those books, tucked them into bed with prayers and goodnight kisses and went about my nightly duty of cleaning the house before collapsing on the couch.

I am grateful, please don’t get me wrong. I’m also just tired, like all moms are at some point, and that’s ok.

  • November 9, 2010 - 9:42 am

    pam - Helen, you of all people have every right to complain about being tired. Anyone who says you can’t can…well I won’t say because this is a family friendly blog. ๐Ÿ˜€ReplyCancel

    • November 9, 2010 - 11:14 am

      camryn - Pam, you crack me up, which is why I read your blog religiously!!ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 9:53 am

    Hollie - Great post! And I think as mom’s it is good to talk about the reality!! We ALL get tired. And it is SO important for us to get some quality alone time. We need it! I am most definitely a better, kinder, happier, more patient mommy, wife, and person in general when I get my ‘me’ time. It is not a lot, but it is important. And, like you, I am conscious of my gratitude even in the inevitable chaos, and know time is fleeting- in a few years I am well aware I might long for the days of lots of baby hugs when my girls are running out the door. ๐Ÿ˜‰ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 10:21 am

    Kate - Super post Helen. You are not alone in craving “me” time or in the fact that you’d like some time off and away. I feel like that occasionally…and I feel very guilty about those feelings as I too love and chersih gmy kids and the time we spend together. Just know the thoughts are fleeting…ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 10:44 am

    Brenda B. - If you didn’t have these thoughts I’d think you were a little loony. Anyone who would criticize you for venting is off their rocker. I don’t think anyone who knows you or follows you, would think you weren’t grateful for your life, your family and everyone’s health. Everyone needs an outlet. Just my two cents! ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 11:06 am

    Jen - Anyone who can’t relate to at least some of this post is a loon. Nobody can have it all and make everything about life work perfectly. And you’re allowed to have every feeling and thought that you have; we all are.

    Just know that I think that you’re a great mom. Those boys are super lucky to have you. ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 11:17 am

    camryn - Helen, I read your blog all the time and I agree with everyone else, who cares what anyone else says at the end of the day. You are entitled to your feelings and you’re just that more awesome of a person to be able to admit to these feelings where everyone can comment on what you’re saying. Of course you’re tired!! I’m tired too! I have 1 yr old BGG triplets and I’m not pregnant… Thank you for your honesty. We all need that sometimes!!ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 11:25 am

    Lisa - Beautifully written. You write what many of us are thinking!ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 12:11 pm

    Christina - Every-time I put up a post like this on my blog, someone, somewhere, basically says “boo, hoo.” It’s frustrating that people think we have more time on our hands because we stay at home. I have so much less time then I did when I worked. I actually “let the laundry go” this weekend, and guess what? We have no clean clothes and its Tuesday. Because now I’m playing catch up.
    Yea, I get it. I totally get it.ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 1:50 pm

    Helen - Thanks for the love ladies! I knew I couldn’t possibly be alone in thinking this stuff!ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 3:00 pm

    Jen - You are not the only mom to feel like this. I am a WOHM and once I leave my 9-5 job, I start my mommy job and it’s never ending. My DH doesn’t realize when he’s not around that I don’t get to sit on the couch to relax until sometimes 10pm after cooking dinner, serving dinner, cleaning dinner, getting the boys to bed, getting stuff prepared for the next day and then straightening up the house. It’s a never ending job and we are in it for the long haul, but we have each other to commiserate to. Hang in there!ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 3:22 pm

    Stacy - Oh how I wish you lived in Seattle! I have been feeling the same way lately – my husband works 100 hours/week-I don’t have any friends (we just moved out of state) or family. I feel completely alone and isolated. I have 4 kids and can tell you, it’s normal to want some time for yourself.
    On Saturday morning, I woke up and started in on the dishes and the laundry while my husband slept in until 10am! 10am! Mom’s don’t get a day off – it’s so hard I know.
    Today, I went and enrolled my 2 y/o in preschool – she’ll go 2 days a week starting tomorrow. I’m looking forward to going to Target and Marshalls – all alone!!!! Hang in there – sounds like you need a girls week-end ๐Ÿ™‚ReplyCancel

    • November 9, 2010 - 3:37 pm

      Helen - A girls weekend would be heavenly! You’re going to love having the 2 y/o in preschool, Stacy. I know I look forward to every Thursday morning here (when my boys go to preschool).ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 4:35 pm

    Nellie Bragg - Helen, it was YEARS (not shouting, just for emphasis) that my husband and I felt totally exhausted! While our “children” are now adults (oldest 37 and twins almost 36), I remember very well those days of feeling fatigued. We just kept at it, though, for the reasons you express so well in your blog. Those hours that they were all in preschool (when that day finally arrived) certainly passed very quickly!

    Always wishing you well as you go through each day!ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 9:00 pm

    Melissa - It is called being a mom. How much more time do you need. You went to triple mom dinner on Friday after your boys had a surgery, you went shopping by yourself, your boys go to preschool every Thursday, you blog about everything that you do from shopping to what you are cooking. It seems like you get the time you just want more. So why are you having another child? Another child means less time for you. Being a Mom is the best job to have and you are able to stay home and not work. Be thankful.ReplyCancel

    • November 10, 2010 - 12:13 pm

      Brenda B. - 1.) Everyone is entitled to feel what they feel. Feelings are something you cannot help.
      2.) Helen never said she wasn’t grateful for her family, in fact she made an extra effort to say she was thankful to avoid comments just like this one.
      3.) Who in their right minds doesn’t vent about their kids to some degree? I vent about my job (which I love). My husband (who I love) and my child (for whom I’d die for). It doesn’t mean my child doesn’t exhaust me on a daily basis.

      Helen’s only voicing things that every mother often thinks, but doesn’t say. And to criticize (at least in tone) her for going to commiserate with other moms of multiples after her boys had tubes put in their ears and were doing fine, going grocery shopping alone, or because her boys go to preschool once a week,…. seriously?ReplyCancel

    • November 10, 2010 - 1:21 pm

      Amina - Wow, Melissa, judge much?! I count EIGHT times where Helen says she’s grateful. Oh wait, let me spell it out for you – grateful = thankful. Does that help?ReplyCancel

    • November 10, 2010 - 1:30 pm

      CAMMY CAMMERSON - Wow, Melissa, you sound mighty bitter. Did you even read the WHOLE post? You’ve never once in your life vented about something? Perhaps you should look in the mirror. Or, better yet, grab yourself a Merriam Webster’s and look up “jealous”.ReplyCancel

      • November 12, 2010 - 6:26 pm

        Melissa - So if you would like to tell me how I am jealous I would love to hear it.
        The reason I wrote what I did it because the world is a self centered place. Everything you do you feel that someone must want to know about it. When in reality not many people do. The only ones that do are the ones that sit on facebook or write constantly in their blog. Every person has something that they do everyday- some more than others. Who care if you got your preschooler ready for school again today. Do you think posting everything on the web is going to make you Mom of the Year? No- all you get is pity from all the other moms that blog too. To me if you put your computer away for a week I bet you would find you have more time on your hands and wouldn’t want to just be done reading to your kids. Maybe you all should try no face-book or blogging for a week.
        This is the first I have every written on anything. I reading some blogs once in awhile and I get tired of people wanting a pity party because they have kids and are tired.
        If you need to vent find a human that you can talk to. You don’t need all of you frustrations out on the internet. I do vent to answer your question- It is called a close friend or my husband that listens and share ideas on how to make a situation better. The web is something that has taken over our lives and we feel that without it we wouldn’t know what to do. I don’t really care what any of you think whether I am harsh, jealous or you think I am judging. If you want to put your feeling out there for everyone to read be ready for some one that disagrees with you.ReplyCancel

        • November 23, 2010 - 11:46 am

          Auntie Laura - I read your replies over 24 hours ago, Melissa, and debated whether or not I should say something. I decided to say something because Helen is my sister and my friend and it hurts me to see the mean and hatefull things you said to her. I want you to know that my sister is my role model for when I am a mother sometime in the future. She’s a great mother, a wonderful wife, a great shopper, a trustworthy friend who talks to me about her problems and mine, and she finds time to do things on her own. In my book she is “mom of the year”. I know for a fact that she does not post all of the things she does, from what she cooks for dinner and how good of a deal she got for the food to how her kids make her crazy in a bad way to being so blessed, just so people will give her a pat on the shoulder or apity party. She shares things that work as a mom and make the family’s life easier so that others (including myself) can take note. If she didn’t say anything I would almost say that is selfish cause it’s helped other moms especially mom’s of multiples. You have no idea how my sister lives outside of the internet world, I do and the internet isn’t her life, she is thankful for everything, she talks to HUMANS, and she loves her family with all her heart and will love the little girl coming into the world times a million. How dare you make her feel as if she is anything less than that. If you aren’t going to say something nice, don’t say anything at all because it just hurts people. If you dislike the internet world so much and the blogging that my sister does, then DON’T read it and DON’T comment. Cause I know I don’t want to see it, others that read the blog don’t want to see it, and my sister definitely doesn’t want to see it. You are entitled to your own opinion just don’t say it on here.ReplyCancel

  • November 9, 2010 - 10:05 pm

    Chancy Green - So the timing of your post couldn’t be better for me. I am having my own pity party tonight. Just today I finalized the kid’s schedule (after rearranging 3 times) for tomorrow so I could take time away at a conference. My oldest got sick tonight and my plans for tomorrow are down the drain. I am tired, too, and so grateful I am not the only one! Thank you, Helen, for your confession!ReplyCancel

  • January 3, 2011 - 9:58 am

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